Tuesday, 2 April 2013

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Be better or be bitter

...both have the same intense emotions, it's your choice!

 How often do you sit and wonder what it would feel like to watch everyone who's ever hurt you in any way suffer?
Do you ever space out creating perfect scenes in your head in which all your 'victims' would beg you for mercy?
Well, I'm sure that the best of us do this more often than we realise... and it's okay [as long as you don't end up actually carrying out those 'perfect' bloody scenes in your head]. I mean, let's be practical here; you are allowed to explore your imaginations. You are.
But rethink all this in ten breaths. Would it make you feel better seeing every single person who's ever hurt you in pain? Would it, now? And then what?
For starters, Madea only exists in the movies, honey. We all know Madea don't wait for no God to punish you; she damn well does it herself, 'cause God's gonn be compassionate witchu!
Alright; so they've lied to you, made you cry and hurt you 'real bad', bluh, bluh, bluh... and instead of standing above the heap of shit, you've decided to wallow in the misery that are your offenders.
Do you have any idea what you're doing to [or should I say, 'for'] them? You're giving them the satisfaction of seeing you writhe in the pain they've caused you. Is that what you want? Really?
Picture this (true story); I'm holding my three-month-old little girl in my arms inside a dusty garage, starring at a heap of my belongings. It's pouring heavily outside. My baby has just fallen asleep after crying uncontrollably of hunger, probably because I might have underfed her in a bid to save some baby-food for tomorrow. The thought of that tears me apart inside. I hold back my tears till she falls asleep. Then I go to the garage's furthest corner to let it all out. I weep, uncontrollably, asking God, 'why me, Lord?' I curse at my offender(s) [in this case, my baby-daddy] for abandoning me when I need him the most. All this is after he calls my phone and tells me off, just a couple of hours before my little angel and I are evicted from our little apartment for unpaid rentals.
I sob. I curse. I wonder how anyone could be so cruel as to evict a young foreign mother with a three-month-old baby. I wonder why my baby-daddy would decide to take out at this point in time. I wonder what's gonna happen next. I worry about what we'll eat tomorrow. I worry if the landlord was serious about letting us use the garage just for the night. And I weep some more... I wake up at the sound of my baby's cry in the middle of the night. She's hungry. What now, I wonder...!
Oof! Breathe, girl. The thought of that chapter of my life story often takes me to dark depths, as you can imagine.
 But ask yourself how much I think about it. *Tapping chin with middle finger, thinking...* Well, every once in a while, especially when I'm faced with a challenge.
Of course, as you must wonder what happened to us next; I lived. WE lived. It was so damn tough. There were so many times I almost resigned to the fate my baby-daddy had planned to resign me to. But hell, I was gonna die before giving up on providing my little God's own gift to me (my daughter) with the life she deserves.
Take a minute and imagine what I must have felt. What I must have wished for my baby-daddy. I was as angry as hell! I was angry at everyone and everything. I blamed God for letting it happen all over again as if I had not undergone enough  pain in my life. I cursed everyone who "wasn't there for me". Why? Because I expected them to come to my rescue.
What I'd forgotten is that, like the social network pages, people are consumed with updating their life statuses, that they forget about those around them who suffer. But can you blame them? Of course not, because everyone has their own problems. Some talk to everyone who cares to listen about their issues while some just bottle it all in. Hmmm... Careful with the 'bottling in' part, because that bottle is soon going to explode at the wrong time and place! Trust me, you do not need that.
See, I would have chosen to go on a revenge spree and made his life a living hell ['cause I had the means to] or I'd have just striven to be better than what he wanted to make of me; a sad black dependent baby-mama who could not even chew gum without her baby-daddy's say-so.
I chose to rise above the heap of shit and not let it consume me. It got pretty ugly before it became pretty beautiful.
I prayed more than I cried myself to sleep, though. I begged God not to let him have the last laugh. And I'd smile every morning like I lived in a mansion.
What am I trying to tell you? I'm saying that you should let it go; whatever it is you're holding against those who have done you wrong. That anger is only eating you up inside. I bet you spend more than half of your waking hours plotting how to make your offenders suffer.
Stop it!
Channel that energy into being the best that you can be. It's the best revenge you could ever give anyone. Do you know why? Because your haters have labeled you with negative code names. They spend their waking hours working on how to make your life miserable.
Well, here's something to write home about; DO NOT GIVE THEM THE SATISFACTION OF BEING AT THEIR MERCY. Seeking revenge against them would only make you like them. But that's because you would be so bitter, you wouldn't be able to see through the tears in your eyes. Wipe those tears if you wanna see clearly, duuhling.
You're blocking God's blessings 'cause your closet is too full with junk that you do not even need!
You have dreams, I'm sure. Strive to make ALL OF THEM a reality. Do your best and let the Universe work the rest. Be happy, live each day like it's your last and see the Universe reward you handsomely.
All that waiting for a better opportunity to get back at your offenders is making you bitter and eating up all your chances of living your life to the fullest, duuhling.
Stop being bitter, aim to be better!
Xo xo,
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