Music in the Space

Is MySpace still as effective and as essential for musicians as it
was a few years back?

Or, has it passed its peak?

My honest answer is 'yes'. It's not the most important web presence
that you and your act should have these days.

That role goes to your own website - you need read a series of articles on how exactly you should set up your
artist site at the moment!

Your artist web presence now needs to be led by your own website,
backed up by a presence on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter and MySpace.

That's if you want to try and use ALL the effective tools at your
disposal. It's true, there are a few artists who don't use all
five of those channels (some just relying on one) but that's a
risky choice and you'd better be able to let your music do all the
talking!

However, although MySpace has passed its most dominant moment, I
actually do think it's still important in the part that it plays in
your career and promotion of that career. How can that be if its
moment has passed?

Well, that's because MySpace is no longer the hot new thing but has
become the establishment. Odd because it has happened so fast.

But now, although some artists won't bother, if you don't have a
MySpace page you are preventing some of your potential fans from
discovering you.

MySpace is still the first place that many every day folks and the
music industry guys go to to find out about a new band. A band's
MySpace site still comes up very high in Google searches as well.

So, in truth, I think that having a MySpace page is now an option
rather than a necessity but you'll still benefit a great deal from
finding new fans and making connections with other bands by putting
in some effort to maintain a presence there.

As we move forward it's clear that you'll need to control a
presence on many sites (Twitter and Facebook in particular) and on
your own site, and your MySpace page will be just one place that
fans can connect with you. However, for now your profile on this
music-focused social networking site
is still worth your time and effort.

I wouldn't listen to anyone who says it's over. The latest figures
for 2010-2011 show a large drop in visitors to MySpace, but it is still
the 50th most visited site in the world.

The latest design changes have made it a bit less user friendly but
they have also said that they are now primarily a place for people
to discover music and films - so I'd keep a presence for now.

Make it an up to date showcase for your band - almost like and
electronic press kit - and it will continue to pay dividends.


So check out what's left of it and tell me what you think.

This article is posted courtesy of Chris Rockette (Make it in Music)

Find your Fabulousity

FASHIORAMA  

                        with Vee

Well! Well! Well! Now tell me who doesn’t care about fashion in one way or the other? We all do whether subconsciously or consciously, right? It doesn’t take Fashion TV for anyone to get ideas on how to dress up on a daily basis.

You often find the fashion freaks that wouldn’t be found dead on the streets looking A-okay!  

“The color of your belt should if not a must, correspond with the color of your shoes”. 

 

Weird how you find those of who claim not care a piece about fashion yet fuss over a guy on the street wearing a pair of suit pants with a paired of multicolored sneakers on a Monday morning! 

 

Really, now I FUSS over that too! Or you find those who also claim not to be “fashion conscious” but wouldn’t show up anywhere in public in a flared top and a flared skirt as they know that they’d end up looking like a huge bird with no wings. That’s when it hits you that “the probability of you bumping into people you know when having a “bad fashion week” is super high!” – One of the gravity laws Newton totally forgot, don’t you think?

And yeah, we all have our fashion moods each week but I go by “dress-to-impress” any day. Why? The answer is simple; Confidence!

 

Ever wonder how your days vary to each other considering the outfits you wear on a daily basis? Never bothered? It’s time to pay attention.

 

Say for instance, you’re trying to catch someone’s attention who works close to your place of work. You feel confident to say hi whenever you bump into each other over lunch at the restaurant around the corner (when you’re feeling perfect in your attire), and terribly dread the thought of meeting this same person when you’re not “perfectly” dressed. Well. Don’t get me wrong. Am not trying to make you squash yourself into a nut shell, but here are some of the tips that would boost your confidence via Fashiorama with Vee any day!

 

1.       Attires say a lot about you:

You know what they say about food and people; you are what you eat? Well, I say, “you are what you wear” too. Clothes say a lot about you including your accessories, your hair, nails and yes, SHOES! Trust you me; the moment you have your confidence boosted, the inner beauty blooms out effortlessly because of the way you feel outside. You’re able to flash genuine smiles at people and step out of your shy side and face each day head-on.

 

2.       Attires speak to people:

Believe it or not, attires could get you hired of fired…well, depending on the job up for grabs. Imagine dressing in a super short but BEAUTIFUL skirt suit with the top showing the rest of your world to a Sales and Marketing job interview. The 10million dollar question would then be; between the company and your bodily assets, which ones would you be out there selling?

 

On the other hand, if you wore this same outfit to a managerial job in a night club or some fly restaurant, I bet you, you’d have a different feedback as compared to the result of the latter. Figure this out and know what to wear the next time you’re heading for a job interview. It would also apply to the men with weird sense of style. It must be something about them being fashion disasters (no offense), with no sense of color and an abnormal love for jeans and woodies.

 

Call me J!

 

3.       You are not what you wear??

 

Really now? Of course India Arie, the singer, sang that song and got you thinking that you really aren’t what you wear, huh? Come on. Come to think about it; if you dress pretty sloppy and out of touch with yourself, it would give anyone the impression that you don’t care how you look like on the streets, at work or at school all in the name of “you aren’t what you wear and you don’t care what people think”! Well, let’s see if this doesn’t get you fired or gets your lecturer thinking that you must be a part of some terrorist gang and call the FBI on you!

 

Simply put, people don’t take you seriously if you dress in a manner that would make them want t buy what you’re selling…not literally of course.

 

Well, literally speaking, of course you’re NOT what you wear. But figuratively, we all know my theory applies. Just because you are able to walk in town in you flip-flops, a T-shirt, and the tiniest shorts in your wardrobe doesn’t make you a “simple guy/girl” fashion wise. It screams a word I wouldn’t bring myself to write here. 

 

Whatever happened to plain pair of denim jeans, a plain colored T-shirt and plain colored sneakers, if “simplicity” is what you want to portray! Don’t you fuss over grown up men walking the streets in broad day light in their inner vests? Would they handle it if ladies started showing up in public in their push-up bras with their boobs looking like their butts on the chests (depending on the boob sizes)?

 

4.       Have you signature look:

People please! Having your signature look doesn’t need any Lois Vuitton, jimmy Choo, Prada, D&G, and Gucci (the list goes on…), to have you looking like an A-Lister. Be THE trendsetter. Play around with the colors in your wardrobe and come up with a new look everyday.

 

You don’t really have to go all red carpet on yourself to be a trendsetter by copying the celebrities you see on TV. Let them rather be your fashion inspirations but don’t be seen wearing every look-alike outfits of Kim Kardashian or Usher everyday. Spontaneity baby!

 

The secret is to use what you already have in your wardrobe to get heads turning your direction.

Take for instance, almost every for ladies out of every five on the streets wear pants/trousers. Why not go skirts or dresses then and just work it?

 

For guys, find out what works for you; half casuals or just fully casuals, old-school, hats, caps, skinny jeans, buggy jeans, etc… 

 

Nothing creeps me out like a guy wearing a brown belt and a pair of white leather shoes. Guys please; the color of your belt should if not a must, correspond with the color of your shoes. Thank you!

 

5.       Be modest: Sexy, not Trashy.

 

It is one thing to dress in sexy outfits and it’s totally a different story to dress and end up trashy. Without being judgmental, sexy is accommodated at any time of the day but trashy can only survive in your boyfriend’s bedroom when you decide to be naughty on a Friday night.

 

Expose less

 

When you dress sexy, you know better than to expose “everything”, yet when you dress trashy, it shows that you nothing about the science of the mind on how one attracts pleasant attention when they keep people guessing than when they leave nothing that makes people wonder what lies beneath that cheeky slit on their dress.

 

The science

 

Sexy would expose your legs and thighs, enough cleavage and arms to show off. This keeps anybody curious to know what’s more beneath all the reserved areas. But when you expose your legs, thighs, arms, back, cleavage and the like, you end up giving way too much candy to undeserving eyes. Remember, sexy and modest screams “Ooh-la-la + Respect”. Trashy on the other side would scream statements like, “am desperate for sexual attention (and it doesn’t matter from whom I get it)”.

 

6.       Use the days of the week:

This couldn’t be rocket science!

Let Monday be a no-joke-day but keep it sexy.

Tuesdays are meant to be the “yeah-my-blue-Monday-was-yesterday” days. So create the look that says that you are approachable today since you weren’t yesterday as you were having a presentation at work, being a Monday.

Wednesday is a mid-week day and the countdown to the weekend starts here too. The best of us like to drop somewhere for a drink or two with colleagues after work on Wednesdays. So wearing something that would easily turn into a “club-look” later in the day wouldn’t be a bad idea. Wear a pair of high waist pants with suspenders plus killer heals. This totally rocks!

Thursdays are kind of dull and busy most of the times as there’s loads to do at work as the week draws to an end, but a simple fitting skirt and a sleeved top in wedge heels would do the trick.

Fridays, wow, for most people, you’re allowed to show up at work in half-casual attires. So why not use that sort a sleek pair of skinny jeans you own and complete the look in stilettos or killer heeled pumps, a collard but sleeveless top and a cute blazer to wrap up the week? After all, you are bound to end up somewhere funky with the girls/boys after work and you don’t want to look like you just walked out of a choir practice from church into the club.

For the weekends, well, let’s just say that I suspect that you’ll be warming each other’s beds and are likely to stay indoors. In whoever’s house you end up after the frenzy Friday night, I guess it suffices to assume that you’d make do with his buggy shirt or her towel would do till Sunday evening!

Keep here!

The DIY Artist

...follow your success

This is for a DIY musician who hasn’t quite made it yet, but is well on their way. One quick advice, try to follow this if you are hungry for success and be sure to have just that: Success.

 

Key elements of the DIY musician

 

There are so many things about the way one builds a career that fits with what the entire idea of doing music is all about:

• Embrace the ‘freemium’ model, but let your fans still go and buy the same songs from iTunes et al;
• Do your 10,000 hours, and more on the music sites;
• Collaborate with exceptional talents to learn more to advance your own talent;
• Embrace Social Media to build a fan base;
• Stop looking for a record deal until you are sure that you are ready and has worked out who you are as an artist, what you wants and how to get where you want to go!;
• Engage yourself in activities that put you on the industry map;
• Leverage a brand association to give you a push ( this should be a result of all the above hard work);
• Have a functional, informative and active website at the center of your online presence.

Bombard agents and managers with tapes of GREAT complete trucks that you have already worked on as demos. Meet them and play a few tracks in your rehearsal room. Most managers as well as agents have done a lot of work with pop producers and writers who think that there might be something they could do to help. Be enamored of involvements with other major artists – be their massive fan and use the platform of being around them during gigs to reach your fan base too. Get a good manager with pop contacts who is ready to toil with you all the way.

 

Keep going!

 

Don’t give no matter what happens.

Turn your challenges around and take calculated risks knowing in advance what’s the worst that could happen if you tripped even just a bit. Your talent needs to have that chance. Read The Story of Success.

 

And, following on from that, take the time to focus on your own music before floundering around desperately looking for a record deal.

On your site, write pieces of articles explaining to your fans why you aren’t signed to a record label, yet! How cool is that?! In fact, I can’t ever recall someone being so upfront about their plans, clearly stating that you have ambition but also making the fans feel that they are right there in it with you.

The reason is that there are certain things that you need to do first to give you the best chance of succeeding in the future and also allow yourself the time to experiment and create the music you really want to make. It’s also in having loads of fun while pursuing your talent and that is what it’s all about.

 

The most important thing is to keep getting your music out there to as many people as possible and hopefully finding new fans along the way. The best way to do this is to continue making your music available for your fans to listen to while not being afraid to develop your sound as you go along. Keep touring whenever you get the required resources, practicing, and perfecting your live performances. At the same time, start releasing your own records independently for a while. Now this could such a hell of a bad time with enough challenges to complete the package, but you have to grow through that.

 

And, let your site be a paragon of ‘best practice’ for all the other artists you hang around– lots and lots of free music, but there’s a shop too, lots of social media links, and an email sign-up. However, don’t fall into the habit of asking people to trade an email for the free music, which I in fact recommend, but instead come right out and ask your fans to tweet or post on their Facebook page and other social networks you might be a part of, but don’t overdo it. – And ask for their opinions on your music.

 

Most of all, it comes across as completely genuine.

 

Songwriting secret

 

Hoping that you have the good fortune (born of your hard work,) write lyrics with some of the very successful songwriters – and whilst doing so, do the right thing – listened and learned.

Get yourself the guide to “scientific” songwriting. It’s a very specific method. Songwriters in this discipline write lots of different bits, lots of melodies and after the lyrics are written, they pick the four or five of the very best. You could write 25 melodies for one song and only four or five of those shall be chosen, so you never know how a song is going to turn out. But it works. It’s a tip worth knowing!

 

I hope that after reading this, you’ll grow from this pivotal moment and become a smart artist. You know you have the talent and are trying to uncover your art before looking for mainstream success. Chances are, you’ll become a household name with a great deal of musical integrity.

 

What can every DIY musician take from this? Well, watch your steps, dedication to honing your talent and the way you use the modern online world to build a fan base before you look for success and a helping hand. Sure you may be lucky, but let that luck comes from your hard work.

 

(Adapted from 'Music Marketing' by Chris Rocket)

The Checklist!

The Checklist.

"You're trying too hard!" mama said, with this hard but caring look in her eyes. She said, "Baby, not everybody ever gets the men/women of their dreams in life, especially when we have "the checklist", (gesturing the quotes).

At that time, all she had to say was a waste of my time, because I felt as if she wasn't getting it!! I just wanted to do things my way by sticking to my checklist!

But now...

See, when you're in love so deeply with someone then they turn out to be bad apples and break your "sweet-good-boy/girl-heart", you always want to look back and ask yourself what could you have done so bad that they had to pay you back with such a slap on the face?

But one thing you never stop to figure out is that they probably didn't hurt you 'cause they intended to but because they wanted to deal with their own personal issues. You may or may not agree with me on this one, but I can tell you this; people don't cheat 'cause their partners aren't good enough or anything close to that sort of reasoning, but they're rather (90% of the time) trying to prove a point to themselves (topic of another day). They're trying to prove that they are capable of getting their own "checklist chick/guy"... just for the thrill of it.

Point is, the moment you start keeping a/the "checklist", then you're in total chaos. You'll have complicated your life in a way that could get you sunk in a deep pit of depression.

First of all, what's a "checklist"?
A checklist is the kind of list that most people create in their minds consisting of the kind of qualities their dream life/fantasy partners should have. Most women (and some men) do this.

The problem with having a checklist and getting dumped at the end of the day's that it makes you start thinking less of who you've always thought you really were. First and foremost, when the best of us make this list, we always raise our inner self-worth that expect everybody that cares to stick around to condone with. And when this doesn't happen, we start looking for other ways to fill that gap. Trying so hard to fill this gap of wanting to fit in other people's perfect evaluation of you, could lead to a crazy habit of constantly wanting/needing attention from others or always waiting for a compliment from somebody... anybody for that matter.

Now don't you think that when you start behaving like this, you're trying to fit in someone else' "checklist" that they've designed for you?

Haven't you heard many a times when your friends look at someone (the men), and go like,
-"Wow, that chick's hot... look at that booty! But her chest looks like a 14-year old's. I like big boobs!", or,
-"Dang, she looks hot but I wish she were a little taller than that!" etc...

Dude, I got news for ya; unless I got a bottox in at least 50% of my entire body, there's an 80/20% chance that I'd have a cute apple-booty (that I do have... lol) and have Tyra's boob size plus height, plus long legs, beautiful smile, plus nice hair...etc, etc, etc...! So air-brushed!

Tell you what, the average girl on the streets could never have the entire package; apple-booty, massive boobs, tiny waist, long legs, tall (enough to fit your checklist) nice natural hair, and much less, pretty! C'est impossible!
Chances are, she's drop-dead gorgeous, sweet smile, tiny waist, nice booty, hair weave, enough make-up, fake nails, a handful of boobs to go with and SUPER short in height and very very bitchy in her personality.

*Check out the pretty actresses on TV; they hardly have boobs to show off, but they'll have more than enough boobs to show off on the red carpet*

And for the Ladies, you'll hear stuff like;
-"Oooh! Look at that chest! I wonder how many hours he spends in the gym every week!" or,
-"Damn, I like his physique, his sense of fashion (that's if he's not wearing a pair of jeans and hoodies daily), he smells just perfect, his smile is contagious. Dang, look at the way he walks, those lips, his hands, his car.... etc... but his height spoils things!" They say...

Girl, you just described Boris Kodjoe, Idris Elba and Vin Diesel or any other hot bodied dude you see on TV.
Bang!!!! Right there! You've just created Mr. Perfect in your mind. The kinda guy you'll hardly walk past on the streets 'cause chances are, he's got the most perfect physic you've EVER landed, he smells nice, his sense of style is on point, his job and "paper" side of life is all settled... etc..., but he's not the kinda guy you would want to be seen with in public (if you know what I mean).

Point is, the moment you stop looking for Mr/Miss Perfect, you'll land yourself an angel straight from heaven. Doesn't really mean that you have to settle for less, but you have to stop TRYING TOO HARD to look for the kinda chick/guy who fits your checklist 'cause babe, he/she doesn't exist!!!

Trying too hard would also mean you're making it too obvious that you're hunting for a Mr./Miss Perfect. And guess what, you might end up not getting this checklist partner as they're either taken or gay; and chances are that you might end up single for the rest of your life, all 'cause you want your checklist partner or nobody at all... or worse, settle for a jerk 'cause your biological clock's timed out!
Ha ha! The joke's on you, dear!

Throw away that Checklist and stop hunting for Mr./Miss Perfect as Mr./Miss Right is still baking in God's oven and he/she shall be delivered to your ''doorstep" one of these days!

Almost said "good luck" but I know you don't need it 'cause you're a Firework. Show 'em what you got baby:)

Till next time,

Xo xo,

Vee.

When he drops the "M" bomb!

Now who'd wanna lie that they never have guy problems? We all do, right?

But what if all is perfect till he stars acting funny and you have NO idea how to have "the" talk? Or how to act around him anymore? Or what to say around his friends anymore?
And... and... and... and...?????
What happens then?

Then the natural female angel/demon in you finds a way to squeeze the "info" out of him one Sunday evening, after FOUR LONG WEEKS of nagging and losing your head and finding out that you can't lose your head over him any longer... Only for you to find out after the "baby its not you, it's me..." speech, that HE'S BEEN MARRIED FOR ALL THOSE 6MONTHS THAT YOU'VE BEEN DATING!!!

*Sigh*

Seriously, what reaction would anybody expect from you even if you were a saint?

But even "saints" get angry, don't they?

Now this is the time that if you're the Fainting-type like me, then you'd have to do the "fainting thing" and if you're the violent type, then you'd grab him by his balls with plies and hang him on your toilet roof top!!! (speaking from experience... except for the hanging by the balls part; 'cause am the fainting type... LOL)
I actually fainted (religiously) for seven consecutive days till i thought i wasn't gonna get it out of my system.

Don't you ever wonder what makes married men cheat on their wives? And don't you find it disturbing that you "over-nightly" turn out to be "the other woman" and a "home-wrecker" when you didn't even know of the existence of a home in the first place?

I think that when you have as many questions as i had at that time and still do, then you know there's nothing to fight for especially if you're given nothing to fight for. It'll hurt so bad. I wouldn't even sit here and lie that it still doesn't hurt whenever i flash back on the good times. But i can bet you that the moment you stop being bitter, wanting to make every guy pay for your ex's mistakes, then you'll know in your heart that you gotta let go of MR RIGHT NOW and search or simply wait for MR FOREVER RIGHT to swing by.

And the 10milli question still is, Where is he?

Most of us like to think that ALL the good guys are either gay, married, or having flings with older women. True or falls, it's just not easy to get a "good guy" (whatever that means to you).

But i say, you're probably not looking in the right direction, or YOU are the one chasing them away; knowingly or otherwise.

Stick around to know how to stop trying too hard!

Xo Xo.
V :)

Pledge your loyalty!

Well, let's just say; boy meets girl, boy likes girl, but boy is girl's girlfriend's boyfriend. Only, that boy claims to still be single even though girl's girlfriend is crazy about him!
Ok, I hope you got that straight. But if you didn't, let me break it down for you;
Your girlfriend tells you about this guy she's crazy about, introduces you to him at a house party, the next thing you know is that your friendship is threatened a few days later, and she's breaking up with this guy and guess what, YOU are in the middle of it all amongst their prior issues.

The moment this guy finds out that you've told your friend about what had happened between you and him, he tries to come out of it clean but in the dirtiest way ever! So your friend notifies you that they've broken up and you can't stop feeling horrible about the fact that you are partly responsible for their breakup.

What do you do?

This is coming from the friend you truly care about and would take a bullet for. But guess what, she's just lost trust in you and you can't stand that reality and the looming idea of losing your best friend over some random guy who's arrogant, disrespectful and downright a baby in his big boy skin.

I've have found myself in this situation in the past but at that time, my friend and I both knew that it was a plain huge test of our friendship. She was mad at me and blamed me for what had happened to her. But how could I blame her? And to be honest, I blamed myself more. I felt that I could have subconsciously led her man on while at the party where the best of us were pretty wasted by the end of the night.

When you face a situation like this, you need to find where your loyalty lies. Of course you'd say that it lies with your friend, but what IF you wouldn't want to give every detail of whatever happened that night in fear of hurting your friend's feelings and probably losing your credibility in the process...?
Well, this is the time you would have to learn the concept of "Loyalty vs Truth Anatomy". It is my own way of explaining that whatever it is am about to tell you may not entirely be true for the consideration of your feelings, but then again, it's all because I want to be loyal to you as a friend and not do anything unaccounted for behind your back, and still keep the faith of you believing in every word I say because am your trusted friend. Twisted as it sounds, it is a remedy for a friendship worth saving.

Having trouble relating to this? Put yourself in that shoe: Well, look at this way, what IF your man and your friend kept this secret long enough up to the time the two of you get married then BOOM!, the cat creeps out of the bag! What would you do? Would you still be friends with her? Would you still trust your man, or her? Wouldn't you feel cheated and made a fool out of for so long? So isn't it even better that you found out before it went too far?

Pledging your loyalty may mean lying just a little... but as they say, whichever way you look at it, a lie is still a lie; more or less hurtful. How about you give your friend the benefit of the doubt the next time you judge them without weighing both sides of the story, whether justified or not, you might want to put yourself in their shoes and try to work out how you would have come up with a suitable way to tell them that the person they think so highly of is a fake just like the best of all of them you know and that you know it for a fact because you were a part of the "fake" process. Ouch!

Friends should always find a way to deal with whatever, right? They should know each other well enough to know what's the worst that could happen if ever something were to threaten their friendship, right? But wouldn't you be expecting too much from your friend, wanting them to believe your story instead of the truth? But considering how you relate with your friend, that could be a hustle.

If you bail after the first test of your friendship, then you were never really REAL friends in the first place. It would mean that your friendship was never really based on the right foundations which should typically be; love, trust, compassion, the willingness to go an extra mile to solve each other's problems and be ready to listen.

And hey, you might want to give your friend as much time as they need to get over the fact that their boyfriend tried to cheat on them with you. It isn't a pretty thing to find out that the guy in whose eyes you've been able to see your unborn children has deceived you in the most hurtful way!

Pledge your loyalty, ask for forgiveness and back off, let your friend heal. If your friendship is strong enough to see past this, then lucky you. But if it isn't then too bad. Find a way to move on with a clean conscious knowing that you did the right thing by letting the cat out of the bag yourself before injury time instead of someone else finding the suffocated cat dead inside the bag, and having to tell the story from the beginning about how the cat got inside the bag in the first place...

IT ain't easy. But it's worth a try... if your friendship is worth it, that is.

X o X o,
Vee.

Smooth Operator

So you've heard of this kind, right? I mean, they come in all colors and sizes and oh, don't you forget that he can speak more than six languages... even YOUR language if you find one that isn't of the same nationality as you.

Well, let's give him a better description: He's probably married - make that most definitely "happily married"; He's made enough "paper" to retire; He says all the sweet things you like to hear; He does all the things your "dream guy" would have to do... that's if you had one; He's the kind you wish would marry you and the both of you spend the rest of your married life in some beach at a private course and He's the kind you'd wish to gossip with your sister (or best friend) about all night while  giggling but you CAN'T!  

He ain't yours!!!

Now I NEED you to note the statement above with utter seriousness. The fact that he comes in the kinda package that fits your checklist and the both of you spend your QTs at all your chosen places - I mean, he ALWAYS lets you choose where you wanna go - doesn't really make him yours... especially if he has come out clean from the start about his marital status.

Weird how people like to judge each other whenever they find out that you are in this sort of arrangement (I mean spending QTs - quality time - with a married man). Well, true that the best of us go all moral on the next person when we got bigger secrets that would make Michael Jackson defend himself in the Murray hearing.

We all do that and it's always so easy for us go to on about, "oh, so she thinks she's all that just because she's sleeping with the boss, huh?" Well, this especially applies if you are indeed sleeping with YOUR boss and your colleagues find out about it... DISASTER waiting to happen, I'd say!

Dude, one; there ain't no rules when it comes to whatever it is you do after five o'clock (of course, as long as you don't do it INSIDE the office... that's just gross!!). Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, think of anyone who'd wanna be found 'in the act' in the boardroom! OMG! That would make for a good front page story for any tabloid, huh?

Back to the S.O. a.k.a. Smooth Operator...
He's the kinda guy that looks you in the eyes and tells you that you are the one... apart from his wife... Haha! Laughable that the best of us buy stuff like these from an S.O. You know, the disturbing part of it all is that he even takes you with him to important public functions and has a way of making you feel all important and stuff. But, he has to go home at the end of the event after making you want him; sending ALL kinds of signals the entire time. And, you can't call him when he gets home - and the worst part of it is that you know why. If he does call you from home, he'll be sounding as though he's under an ocean. And you can only imagine in which part of the house he'll be hiding when making that call. And you'll be missing everything in the phone conversation except, "...can you hear now?" LOL!

Make no mistake, though; if he does this before coming clean on his marital status, then, careful, honey!

Note: If you initially find out that he's married and you ain't got a problem with that, then DON'T let him discuss ANYTHING with you about his wife, cause, hey, he doesn't talk to his wife about you.  Does he now? IT'S DEPRESSING! Don't allow it. And the whole "she doesn't make me happy as much as you do" speech is BULL! Take my word for it!

Dude, why did you get married to her in the first place? It's not as if anybody put a gun on your head and forced you to say "I do"... and of course it would be condoned if that were the case, which is hardly it, most times, I fuss!

So, there he is spending with you one-two-three, or probably FOUR flipping years of your adult life, when both of you know that he ain't ever leaving his wife for you.

Word of advice: If you are the kinda woman who expects men to "commit" within the first three months of your relationship (following the 90-day rule) yet in those, he hasn't (and you know he wont), then have the fun and adventure you are up to while it lasts, then RUN... RUN... RUN!!

Fact is, he likes you a lot and so do you, so the feeling is mutual. He says that you mean a lot to him and he shows you this in a whole lotta ways than one. But, do whatever it is you are currently doing with him and RUN while you still can or else you'll end up with the BIGGEST broken heart of the 21st century... I promise you! Now, who wants to be the "broken-hearted girl"?

Girl, unless you are sure that you KNOW what you're getting yourself into, DON'T fall for the S.O... Oh, and don't they make it so easy to fall for?

Read "When he drops the 'M' bombshell on you" to understand where am coming from with this.

Xo Xo,

Vee.

When "sure" becomes "uhm..."

Well, am sure anyone reading this has been through it... in a relationship; a romantic one, that is - whether it's lead to something or not.

Know how cute you look together at the initial stages when he sends you sweet, flirty messages all day and calls you at your busiest just to say that he can't stop thinking about you? And the way he calls you every night at exactly 9pm and talk on end about all the sweet nothings and you won't fall asleep before getting that call? And the way he looks into your eyes passionately when in public, without saying a word even when you say the 'chic line', "why are you starring at me like that?" And there he'll go with the 'guy line', "I'm not starring at you, I'm admiring you!"... And when whatever you ask of him, the answer stays,"Sure babe!"

Funny how this can only go for a while until he starts getting on your nerves in all the wrong ways to an extent that when he sneezes, it grosses you out big time! When he laughs, you wonder what you saw in his smile in the first place. When you hear him chatting with his friends, you wonder how old he is and when he is ever going to grow the f*** up!

That's when it hits you that the both of you are not on the same page anymore and you don't know how to deal with the whole situation. Then you try to get him to have 'the talk' where you discuss whether you have the same focus thus far or not. And guess what he'll do; he'll avoid you like a plague and insist that there is totally no problem in your relationship and that you're making things up... and he'll sound the most fragile you've ever heard him talk and you won't even bring yourself to break up with him cause according to him, you don't have a problem. Sad, huh?

So then, there you'll go into your tiny little cacoon of self-God-knows-what. See, these are the kinda men who make you feel like men are some type of horrible species that have come to "invade our peaceful planet"!

But oh well, back to the subject; the 'uhm' line.

It reaches a point in a relationship when whenever you try to have a decent conversation with your partner, all you get is, "Uhm... Baby, can't we talk about this later?" or "Uhm, baby, do we have to this now?" And before you know it, you'll start feeling so lonely in that relationship as all the two of you do lately is "the routine": You only meet over the weekends as both of you work the whole week and when you meet, you go to his house, do his laundry, prepare lunch, watch a movie, have sex then its time to go back to your house because he has to "meet up with the boys then visit his mother later and he doesn't know when he's going to get back." Such BS!
So he'll kiss you on the forehead and leave. Well, since you have his house spare keys, you'll convince yourself that you're still okay, otherwise, he'd have asked for them, right?

Gosh, the crap we take from these people!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways, before you know it, the two of you go for two weeks without seeing each other as he "always travels out of town". For the phone calls and texts, well, takes him three days now before he replies to any of your texts, let alone take your calls 'cause "baby it's been so hectic at work lately".

What do you in this case, really?

My piece of advice: If you're not married to this man or have a kid(s) with him, please RUN while you still can. Chances are, he'll suck life out of you and leave you with a shell of yourself. You'll remain depressed, wallowing in self-pity, self-hatred for allowing yourself to be treated so bad and all the self-bad-things you could ever think of. When he's done with you, he'll leave you wondering whether you're still attractive or not, to an extent that when a guy says hello to you, you wonder what's wrong with him, 'cause he only compliments you when he wants "some".

Girls, these happen, trust me. So, if you love yourself life like am sure you do, again, RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!

Catch my next post on how to leave with or without beef (grudge)... for your own good!

Xo Xo,

Vee.

Get rich or die trying?

If you want to get rich quickly, just get married to a rich man, they say. And then what, I ask.

So one of my colleagues recently took this, in his column, to a whole new level. According to his argument, college girls spend their four years of tertiary education living double lives. That college girls spend 50% of their time studying and 50% looking for rich men. That their partaking university education is just but to gain the status of having stepped into a lecture hall. All for the in-laws to one day refer to them as "my brother's 'educated' wife"... And as you can imagine, he went on and on about a bunch of other derogatory statements.

I read the article and thought, 'how rich coming from a guy who works with me in the same office!' No offense, man.

Funny how most men perceive the average woman. If it's not the double standards that come with expecting the woman to be some kind of super woman who fixes everybody's breakfast in the morning and still leave the house for the office at the same time with the hubby and the kids... and then be home at five to fix everybody's life and still have the energy to please her man when the lights go off and the kids are fast asleep; then it's the over-the-board expectation of wanting the boardroom woman to produce supernatural results at work!

Sad part is that should this kind of "super woman" hire a nanny/house help/maid [or whatever you call them], the society would critisise her; call her high-maintenance, even lazy, bluh, bluh, bluh...!

Somebody catch me, 'cause I'm about to bash the chauvinistic sons of fellow women (and that's me being polite, as you can imagine what I might have said out loud)!

I mean, I've been around a while and know that this is an exhausted topic of discussion and one that irks every single woman who has a reserved seat in the boardroom. But can I just linger a bit on my colleague's point that the average woman would rather get married to a rich man and be equally rich by virtue of being the rich man's wife than sweat for their own?

He adds that the unfortunate part about the whole concept is that ten years down the line, the former classmate might not be as 'hot' as she used to be in college. She still drives the car the rich hubby bought her. However, unlike back in college when she'd drive her girls to the mall and shop her life away in the hot wheels the rich [then] boyfriend had bought her (probably a red hot sports car), now she probably drives some huge family car (an Avanza, a Probox or even a mini-van), because she has to drive the kids to and from school... and, and, and... Makes you wonder; whatever happened to the promises of getting her house helps, drivers, etc!

Ok, stop! Everybody, just shut up!

One; what makes you think every "average woman" or college girl thinks like that? I know I wasn't 'cause I never really went through "the college life". Well, because I became a mommy by the time I joined the university. So I went through the "college years" as a busy student, single mom. Had to accomplish everything I wanted to do for the day between 7am and 5pm. Can't be easy studying in a two-bedroom house you share with a fellow college girl who hates your guts and acts like having a baby while still in college is a sin punishable by slaughter! Oh well, that too, passed! I wonder what became of her, really. I'd like to meet her again and genuinely smile and tell her that it's because of her kind that I have always striven to be the best I could ever be.

Any-who... back to the subject matter here. My colleague is of the opinion that girls have it easy since they can always get married to rich men while the best of the male classmates sweat for the Cum-Lauds. Problem with that, he says, is that ten years down the lane, he'd be driving his own car, living in his own house, probably has his own business (a law or IT firm, maybe). Meanwhile, his former classmate who got married to the rich man would be driving her husband's car, living in her husband's house, works (if at all) for her husband, takes care of their children... and does a whole lot of other things linked to her hubby's money. Nothing would be in her name. If it happens to be, the hubby would have put it there. 

And you have to be a very vindictive mama to claim property that is in your name.

Sigh!

I agree with him to some extent that yes, there are women who reason like that. Begs the question why women would fuss over gender equality when most are literally at the mercy of their hubbies' wealth.

Well, here's something to write home about; think of how good it would feel to show a man the door to your house because you own that shit! Think about how hard it would be for a guy to bullshit you because you don't owe him jack! Think about how tough it would be for a guy to take shit from you just because you are his boss! Think of how good it would feel to tell a guy to man up or move on all because you are in control of your life! Think about how comfortable you would be in future through your own sweat... then tell me if you would not want to work hard in school!

Ladies, I know this is a cliché but girl, do you really want a man to toy around with you in the name of endless business trips? Do you want to be stuck in a marriage with a cheating hubby all because you do not have anywhere to go or anyone to turn to because he made you drift apart from friends and family (because "they are pesky"?) And for what? Because you depended and still depend on him, Missy!

Like they say, if you do not like something about your life, be it your appearance or whatever, do something about it! Equally, if you do not like the financial state in which you are at the moment or been in all your life, strive to change it. But whatever you do, please do not solve your financial problems by getting married to the rich man. You'll regret it! 

Watch Tyler Perry's "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" if you don't believe me!